EXPLORING INTERNALISED MISOGYNY

Over the past couple of weeks over on Instagram I’ve talked a lot about internalised misogyny. So let’s start with the basics: what is it?

It's the unconscious bias we absorb from a society that has historically marginalised women's voices, abilities, and rights. This internalised bias can manifest as self-doubt, judgment towards other women, or a reluctance to advocate for ourselves. The result? We unintentionally hold ourselves and others back.

But how does that holding ourselves back actually manifest? Well, for starters in gender gaps. Everyone has heard of the gender pay gap, but did you know that the pay gap amongst freelancers is higher than in any conventional workplace? In other words, when women set their own rates, women are the problem - because they simply don’t believe they’re worth more. It’s an innate feeling that goes beyond the conscious mind. A belief made up of years and years of messaging in society about women being inferior to men. It starts as soon as we’re out of the womb, and it never goes away.

As a result, the impact of internalised misogyny runs extremely deep. Did you know that as well as the gender pay gap, there are gender gaps across everything from education, to confidence, to savings and more. These gaps leave women trailing behind men in several areas, before finally limping to the finish line of life with smaller pensions to boot, thanks to the gender investment gap. Ouch.

Judgment towards other women is another symptom. In a society that often pits women against each other, internalised misogyny can lead to criticising another woman’s appearance, choices, or success. This judgment is rooted in the misguided notion that a woman’s success somehow detracts from our own. I don’t think any woman is immune, in spite of what we consciously think to be true. I’ve also had plenty of anecdotal feedback from my community of women very much tearing each other down, which is both heartbreaking, but unsurprising. And I get why it happens. Next time you find yourself judging a woman for anything from her clothing to her appearance to her choice of partners, notice it, ask yourself why, and see what comes up. Noticing it is the first step towards changing those ingrained behaviours.

I’d love to fix internalised misogyny in a singular blog post, but that would be too big an ask. Instead I’m going to list some things you could think about that might get the cogs turning on how to address this in your own life:

Starting early - how do you talk to your kids about gender? Do you refer to every bee, butterfly or creature you see as ‘he?’. Correct yourself with a simple ‘or she’. It’s crazy how pervasive this is.

Go to school - talk to your children’s primary school about if they have a gender champion in school, or what they do to stop gender bias impacting the kids early. There is a brilliant organisation called Lifting Limits that does training in schools. Could you talk to your school about doing their training?

Journalling - going one further than noticing, can you bring internalised misogyny into your daily reflections, and write down what you notice.

Talking - some people can really struggle with it but calling out ANY sexist or misogynistic behaviour makes people think and drives change. It’s particularly important to call it out in your female friends if they’re hating on themselves too. It’s not easy to do, and you may be seen as a bit of a fun sponge at times, but I reconcile this with it being much much bigger than me.

Empower other women - simple. Cheerlead like all hell when women around you are doing things you celebrate and admire. This fosters a culture of collective achievement that makes you feel good too. Win win.

Challenge gender norms in language - why is assertiveness in a woman considered ‘bossy’? Why are women considered bitchy, but men not? What is wrong with a woman having ambition?

Ultimately, addressing internalised misogyny is about rewriting the scripts that hold us back, both individually and collectively. As more women recognise and unlearn these ingrained biases, we create a culture where confidence, respect, and equality are normalised. This work takes time, but the benefits—to ourselves, our relationships, and society at large—are transformative. By facing internalised misogyny head-on, we take back our power and pave the way for future generations of women to thrive.